The Committee

Yesterday it was my turn to host a committee meeting. There are five current committee members, all veterans of writer’s groups of one kind or another. The trouble with most writer’s groups is that they are made up of social inadequates who rationalise their loneliness and lack of social skills by finding a job that keeps them isolated for most of the time, pecking away at a keyboard manufacturing stories no one will ever read. (I exaggerate, but only slightly.)  Add to that a requirement to plan and attend various events where the catering invariably involves mini sausage rolls and warm chardonnay and you end up with a pretty grim picture. We decided there had to be a better way of doing things. Clearly most of the drawbacks to writer’s groups were down to the presence of members so we decided the obvious thing to do was to get rid of them. Or rather not to recruit any. This was a stroke of genius which we then trumped by deciding not to have a name either. The business of the committee of this new group was much easier to get through as, by and large, there wasn’t any. Record keeping is minimal. Minutes of meetings are not required and the only documentation deemed essential is a menu to be issued by the host (and Chair for the day) ahead of each meeting. This being spring I offered up sheep, lentils, pineapple. The shoulder went in at 7.30 and roasted slowly until the committee members arrived from Peterborough, Downham, Ipswich and Norwich. As to what was discussed, I have only the vaguest memory, which only goes to show what a fine meeting it was. We’ve been holding them every few months ( with occasional breaks) since 2002 and so far haven’t decided anything at all. Other people are of course keen to join . We have tried to make the process as straightforward as possible, requiring as it does only the death of a sitting member. Date of next meeting: 29th May (subject to protracted negotiation).

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2 Responses to The Committee

  1. Melody Mandrake (6th committee member) says:

    I will this time let slide the fact you have left out the most important part of that meeting, which was the celebrated arrival of the 6th committee member…
    i would be more offended if someone other than me or ‘your only reader’ were to read this…

  2. Tony Ramsay says:

    Ms Mandrake, your visit was of course the highlight and would appear as such in the minutes if only we kept them.

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